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Okay, I finally admit it. I'm OBESE. I can't hide from it any longer. I had a huge realization that I'm one of the biggest people I know. I used to be able to say, well I'm fat, but so-and-so is huge, so I'm okay. Nope. My so-and-so's are all smaller than me now and I still don't see it with my own two eyes. I've been in denial a looooong time.

Shit, I gained 8 pounds since the holidays! I tire of getting inspired only to fall off the wagon after two days. There's got to be something wring with my frame of mind or something!

Well, I tested my willpower in a small way. Last week, ALL week long, I made a "bet" with myself that I wouldn't eat a co-worker's Hershey's kisses. I looooove them and had been eating about 10 EACH DAY the prior week. Well last week, I did it. I was tempted several times. I tried reasoning with myself that one wouldn't hurt, and even on Friday I told myself that the bet was over since I made it to Friday. But STILL I didn't give in. So I know I've got some willpower, but when it comes to bigger, yummier things, I crumble!

I still haven't found out what the trigger is. It's not depression.. I've always lost my appetite when upset. It's not boredom.. I've never really eaten just because there's nothing else to do. I don't really know what it is. One thing that my sister noticed about me was that I used to sing when it was time to eat. I would sing while making a sandwich or cooking food. Jabe told me recently that I still do that. Sure enough, over the last few weeks I realized it's true! I get so happy about eating, it makes me sing. Is that effed up? I don't know what to think about that.

So anyway, Mondays are our "start" days for anything we want to begin (or end) so I'm giving it another go. I hoping that if I change some behaviors, I can start breaking down the cause of my overeating. I'll give you progress during the week.